"A stone in your shoe..."

We were sitting in class the other day, and someone asked Aynn (our director) a question that they had been wrestling with, related to the people of Nicaragua and their suffering. This person wanted to hear what we all wanted to hear: an answer, or an explanation, or something at all to satisfy our confusion of why things are the way they are.

Instead, she responded, "You have a stone in your shoe."

We were all confused, but she went on to explain: when you come across something that forces you to think in a different way, or when you stumble upon something that doesn´t sit well with you, it´s like getting a stone stuck in your shoe.

Something in me clicked when she said this... And I realized that what she was trying to say is that we are MEANT to wrestle with these questions. And that, rather than fish out the stone, we are meant to walk with it, feeling its impression on our foot every step of the way... and maybe even limping a little bit because it´s there.

So here´s the stone in my shoe.

I left "the campo" one week ago, and ever since, I haven´t been able to stop thinking about that community. As I´ve already described, it was a wonderful, beautiful place. My host family understood life in a way that I´m not sure I ever will. But I have had to be careful not to romanticize it. It may have been the most beautiful place I have ever seen, and I may have had some of the most uniquely wonderful experiences of my life there, but at the end of the day, they lead difficult lives. "La vida es dura" is an expression you hear often in Nicaragua, literally translating to "life is hard." And believe me, it IS- especially in these communities. They don´t have access to clean water, they don´t have access to a market, few have electricity, and some lack decent (durable) shelter.

During day three of my experience in el campo, I was going absolutely stir-crazy. I satisfied myself by going for a walk, but during this walk, all I could think about was the complete contrast between my reality and that of my rural host family. All I could do was wonder, "what is going on in the world today?" I wanted to hear about the United States, about my family, about Richmond, about home. I wanted to hear what was going on in MANAGUA, for crying out loud. And I wanted to know why it mattered to me, and why none of this holds the slightest significance for my host family.

I wrote about "choque cultural" in my last blog, and explained it by all of my bizarre experiences. And believe me, they were all BIZARRE, and each one brought me joy and frustration and plenty of laughs. But if I´m being honest, the greatest culture shock of all was how completely and totally isolated and self-sustaining this community was. In a world that is becoming increasingly interdependent, this rural village in northern Nicaragua has somehow remained entirely isolated and independent. To such an extent that, while I was there, I began to wonder how much money my family had... and then I had to stop myself and wonder if they even HAVE money. I had to ask myself, what do they spend money on? Almost everything they have is self-produced. This very thought blows my mind.

And then I got to thinking about poverty. And what is poverty? In one of my earlier entries, I shared that 80% of Nicaraguans live on less than $2 a day. And that´s true, but does that indicate poverty, especially when a community such as this one doesn´t have money to spend? How do you measure poverty? Is it the ability to participate in the economy? Is it having access to clean water, electricity, and food? Is it having power, or having representation in power?

I don´t know. And for now, I´m not looking for answers. But I just thought I´d write down some of my actual reflections, in addition to the stories I´ve shared. Because this has been a stone in my shoe, and I´m beginning to realize the value it holds. I´ll continue to walk with it, chew on it, think about it. And I´m excited to learn! ...from my host family, from the campesinos, from the other students in the program, from Aynn, and from you.

Meanwhile... I finally had success downloading a few pictures, after many failed attempts! Managua pictures will come later, but for now, a few from my campo experience:

This is me with Raul and Marlin, my host cousins.



My host parents and I:



The green rolling hills of coffee and bean country...



The view from the latrine (no joke).



The OTHER view from the latrine. :)